There is no standard legal definition of Child to Parent Abuse – in fact, there are still discussions happening about what to call CPA, never mind how to define this type of domestic abuse.

This can lead to problems and even confusion when it comes to explaining exactly what constitutes CPA, and how it differs from expected childhood behaviour.

Our Founding Director Michelle John explains:

“With CPA, we are talking about extreme behaviours that leave parents and siblings feeling fearful, worried, and scared. Parents often avoid saying or doing certain things so an incident doesn’t occur or escalate.

“We hear how parents are changing the way they want to parent and are choosing the least reactive option available to them, to keep them and others safe; how they are no longer going out in their community or how they are too worried about having family and friends around; how the impact on their employment has been to the point of losing their job which brings further worry about living and housing expenses.

“CPA is not typical behaviours, it is not just the pushing of boundaries, and it is not that parents need to have firmer boundaries and/or consequences. The parents we support tell us daily how they fear for their lives (and the lives of their other children) - yet they are ignored or told they are exaggerating, and told they can’t possibly be scared of their child.

“People do not normally question fears, but when parents are fearful of their child, this seems to be routinely questioned as if their experience and feeling must somehow be wrong? Sometimes their experiences are also questioned because the behaviours are not shown outside of the homes – but again, if someone disclosed that they were being abused by their partner at home, we wouldn’t normally question this?

“Just because you may be fortunate enough to not have experienced these behaviours from your child, does not mean it is not another’s reality. Yes, it may be difficult to understand and it certainly is complex but this should not be a barrier for believing those who have found incredible strength to tell you what is happening for them.

“Parents come to us because they feel they have nowhere else to go, that every door is closed or they are told they are at fault. Violent, controlling and abusive behaviours have a real impact on a family’s daily life – and for some there is sadly a risk to the lives of those living in the home.

“The parents we support tell us how they spend each day trying to survive without incident and then spending the night hoping everyone wakes tomorrow.

“CPA affects individuals, families and communities, what those affected by this need is to be believed, heard and supported.”

Incidents are frequent (normally multiple times a month, but more often than not weekly or even daily) and sadly escalate over time – just as with other types of domestic abuse.

Every family and every situation is unique – but we often see:

-       Risk or threat to health or life of those living in the household.

-       Abusive or violent behaviour may only be shown at home.

-       Continued disruption, with a huge impact on work, finances, socialising and day to day life.

-       Incidents happen frequently (often daily or multiple times a week) and escalate over time.

-       Physical, emotional, financial and even sexual abuse can be displayed.

-       Parents change their behaviours to try and minimise the risk of an incident escalating, and often feel fearful.

Click here if you're a parent, here if you're a professional, or here if you're an employer and you'd like to find out more.