March Spotlight: Coercion and Control
Understanding Coercion and Control in Child-to-Parent Abuse
Child-to-parent abuse is a deeply challenging and often hidden issue, with 85% of our parents’
reporting experiences of coercion and control. This form of abuse can be emotionally,
psychologically, and even physically devastating. Understanding coercive control and recognising its
signs is essential for empowering parents to seek support and reclaim their safety, wellbeing and
confidence.
Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour where someone personally connected to you repeatedly
acts in ways that make you feel controlled, dependent, isolated, humiliated, or scared. While often
discussed in the context of domestic abuse between partners, coercive control is increasingly
recognised as a significant factor in child-to-parent abuse.
For parents, this can mean feeling trapped in a cycle of fear, unable to set boundaries or parent
effectively due to ongoing manipulation and intimidation from their child.
Coercive control can manifest in many ways, including:
Isolation: Preventing you from seeing friends and family or discouraging you from seeking
help.
Financial Control: Dictating how much money you have, how you spend it, or even stealing
from you.
Humiliation & Degradation: Insulting, belittling, or shaming you to lower your confidence
and self-worth.
Monitoring & Surveillance: Keeping track of your movements, phone activity, or social
interactions.
Threats & Intimidation: Threatening to harm or kill you, others, or pets to maintain control.
Emotional Blackmail: Threatening to share personal information or making false allegations
unless demands are met.
Destruction of Property: Damaging your belongings or home as a form of punishment or
control.
Gaslighting: Making you doubt your own perception of reality, questioning your memory or
feelings.
Forced Criminal Activity: Coercing you into illegal acts against your will.
Blame-Shifting: Justifying their behaviour by blaming you, e.g ; 'If you did what I wanted, I
wouldn’t have to act this way'
Living with coercive and controlling behaviours can leave parents feeling exhausted, anxious, and
powerless. Many experience guilt and shame, believing they have failed as parents. However, it is
vital to recognise that no parent deserves to live in fear, and seeking support is not a sign of
weakness—it is an act of strength.
Coercion and control in child-to-parent abuse is a difficult reality, but with awareness of the signs
and impact for parental figures, professionals can help parents to regain their strength and
confidence.
If you are experiencing this form of behaviour, remember: this is not your fault, help is available and
if PEGS is right for you, there are various support options we can offer.
